AFRIL.TXT - M/M, NC - Various beings - 12/22/98 Being the Life of Afril - 'Bridge Between Villages'. By SwampRat (c) 1996 - Gay Furry Association Hello. I am Afril. My Tribal name is Bridge Between Villages because I am a half-breed. My Mother was an Arctic Fox, My Father a Northern Wolf. To those of you who decide to read this scroll, I hope you will forgive the randomness. It is not easy to bear one's soul, but I am determined to write All the pieces down, Or at least as much as I can remember. Yes, it Does have a lot of Sex in it, but that too is part of my life. And good or bad, This is it... Chapter 1 - Beginning 'Bright as Light on Water' Was my Mother's name. Everyone called her Ghost because she could vanish almost anywhere there was white. One winter she ran off to the 'City', if city it could be called. The was bigger than the village and it was full of soldiers. One captured her heart.. Or at least her body. They stayed together for a few weeks, then he left. Having no place to go, and obviously with cub, she packed up what few things she owned and went off to a Town, where a friend of the family lived. She was still too prideful to return to the Village. There, she gave birth to a male fox, as silver as herself - but with blue tail and ear-tips. He was also bigger than normal. She raised her cub for 2 years, until he could walk and talk a little, being doted on by both females - Until... Someone else noticed her. Someone who also had ties with the village. One early morning I was awakened, shoved out a door into an alley and told to keep quiet. I heard loud voices, snarls, someone saying 'Hybrids are an abomination and should be killed.' I waited, waited until the noises quieted, waited until the sun went down.. The door didn't open. Shivering, I made my way out into the world. * * * * Chapter 2 - The Streets The next morning found me cold and hungry.. Survival taught me how to scrounge, to eat things most furs wouldn't even look at twice. I also learned there were others. Mutts, mongrels, 'accidents' - all unwanted, unloved. They took me in, taught me how to beg for coins, how to hustle food, how to avoid the law.. and how to sell my body. I was big for my age, and there was Always males cruising the streets. I was uncertain at first, but they showed me. You met someone in a dark place. They gave you a coin - you Always got that first - Then they opened their robes or pants, and you rubbed them. My exotic body and an agile tongue soon netted me a good amount of coins. Which were shared evenly amongst the pack, as we called ourselves. As the nights got cold and we huddled for warmth, we would cuddle, watch others with families, sometimes cry. No one laughed at you if you cried.. They understood. They wanted to have a family, a Mother, Father. This went on until I was 4 or thereabouts, then we got caught in a raid. Once a year or so, The Law decides it doesn't want homeless cubs on it's streets, so it 'collects' them. A couple stand with a big net at one end of an alley. A couple more chase everything that moves towards the net. It's pretty easy to get away, usually.. But this time they had a Lot more nets and a lot more chasers.. So I ended up in a Wagon, with a bunch of others. We were chained, washed - a bucket of water was dumped over us - and hustled into a Big building. It was called an 'Orphanage'. We all thought it was Prison. For a week, I kept expecting some big male to walk in and do what I was told went on in Prison.. But all that happened was I got fed more often, had to wash more often, wore a kinda robe, and had to learn. I learned counting while hustling.. 3 coppers isn't 2, and a silverpiece was worth a Lot more than a copper. I learned how to read, and spell my name.. I didn't think of it as my name because my name was 2 lines with a hump on either side - Bridge between 2 Villages. But they said it was Afril, so I write it like that. At the age of 6 we could be 'adopted', so as to pay back some of our 'debt'. For whatever reason, no one wanted a big, silver fox with blue eyes.. Until I was 7. Then My Governess arrived. * * * * Chapter 3 - Governess I was called into an office, and saw someone sitting in a chair. It looked at me, and said "That's it?" in a voice that curdled my insides. A nod, some grumbles, a signed paper later and I was Owned by someone. I don't remember much of the trip to the house, only that it was bleak and dark. That and the switch that was kept near the door. As soon as we were inside, she ripped the rag I was allowed to keep off me, and growled. "A Male. A worthless, shifty, evil male." I tried my best to hide myself with paws and tail.. Then she slapped me, hard enough to send me sprawling on the floor. That was my introduction to Hell. I was given a white dress as my only piece of clothing. I was taught to clean house, cook meals, do laundry. I learned well, because for every infraction, I was switched. Sometimes light ones that left me aching for hours, sometimes hard ones that left me bleeding and limp on the floor. My Governess made sure every day to remind me what scum I was. That females are to be worshiped, adored, obeyed without question. Her paw slapping my muzzle and the ever-present switch made sure I remembered. Then there were worse punishments. My first taste of The Closet was when I was late from school one day. I wore my dress and acted feminine so everyone took it for granted I was a vixen. It was a sunny day, the leaves were turning color and I dawdled coming home. I even played in a puddle, getting a few spots on my dress wet. What harm, it would dry... I expected punishment when I got home. I got beaten once for being late, beaten for getting my dress wet, and beaten because I needed beating. Then I was tossed into The Closet. "You can stay there until you are properly sorry, or until you rot, I don't care which!" and slammed the door, taking every bit of light with it. I huddled as best I could in a corner, remembering being a cub in a dark alley, waiting for someone to come and kill me. At least here I could cry.. It was cold, and my stomach hadn't had anything in it since that morning. Putting my paws up to the door, I pressed on it, then scratched at it gently. "Governess? May I please come out now? I promise I won't be late again.." Silence. "Governess? Please?" No noise, except the creaking of the house. I shivered, wrapping myself as best I could in my tail, feeling the stickiness of dried blood on it, head bowed, knowing this was the end of my life. I should have been happy - it would mean an end to my life in hell. But if this was life, What was on the other side? Better, Worse? Would it come fast, or would I die scratching at the door, begging for forgiveness.. I heard tales in the Alley of prisoners who gnawed on their arms and legs in hunger, What the Others didn't bite off first. Not All mammals were civilized I had been told... Somehow I slept. I awoke at the same time I always do, thinking I had to get ready.. Then I remembered where I was. I thought a good cry might help, but no tears would come. I could only sit and wait and hope.. I did not dare to scratch or beg again.. I might hear the click of the lock and all they would find was a mouldy pelt with some bones - That is, if anybody bothered to look. An eternity later a sound came - a bolt unlatching. Then the door opened and I was blinded. A hand grabbed my neck and dragged me out to shake me. "You have enough time to wash and dress for school." I profusely apologized, ran up the stairs, washed, dressed, and went off to school. Boiled porridge never tasted so good as it did that night, and even though I ended up in The Closet a few more times, it was Never as bad as that first time. * * * * Chapter 4 - Suzie Suzie was a friend, a life-mate, a schoolhood sweetheart. We made plans on who we would marry when we were grown, what the cubs would look like and all the silly things 2 cubs do. She gave me my first and only toy - a ragdoll that looked like her. We were walking home from school one day and she asked what kind of toys I had. I told her I wasn't allowed toys. The next day after class, she handed me a doll. "Here. Her name is Suzie too, See?" The doll had her name stitched on it's front, painted to look like a black-and-white rabbit. I smuggled it in the house and put it in a box, that I kept hidden. It was my tenth summer, my dress had been added to many times, so it was always below my knees. Suzie asked me about it one day, as we played in the back-yard. I explained it was all I ever wore. Being curious, She took her coveralls off, and I took my dress off... I saw the look of wonder in her eyes. "Hey, you're a male!" I nodded, blushing. We looked at each other, noticing differences, similarities.. All innocent stuff really. Then a hand clamped itself on my shoulder. My Governess had come home early. "You, Go home." I would never see her again.. Dragged into the house, and beaten with a broom handle until I could not even beg, I don't remember the much of the days following - I ate, went to school, came back to the only life I knew, being beaten and shamed. One night I was awakened by a hand between my legs, stroking me. It felt.. Strange. Good but strange. "You like that, Don't you?" Dare I say Yes? Dare I say No? *Smack* "Filthy Animal! You have probably been playing with yourself every night, haven't you?" I was usually in too much Pain to do much but sleep. But it felt good.. Real Good. Then something happened - I got punched in the gut, something wet splattered on my chest, and my vision blurred.. and I was floating. A tongue licked at my fur, then my dick, teeth biting me but I didn't care at that moment, passing out. After that day, things were different. Every night I had to lay in her bed and she would do things to make me hard, then slap me around and curse me. Sometimes she would make me lay on my back, and kneel over me. Use me until she was satisfied, then kick me out and tell me to wash myself. On the weekends she would tie me up and demand I call her Mistress. Then she beat me with long leather strips, shove things under my tail, and ride me around. This went on daily for 6 years, and then I changed schools. And lives... * * * * Chapter 5 - The end - And the beginning As I was walking home from school one day, I was accosted by a gang of females. I was the new one in school and of course, had to be hazed. Everything was pretty much alright until one of them shoved a paw between my legs on pretext of seeing if I was really a 'virgin' or not. "He's a queer.. he's a fuckin queer male." *Rip* *Rip* Rip* went the dress.. until I was standing in rags, showing I was male.. I even had a half-hard-on where the female had been fondling me while the others ripped my clothes. "So he is.. Well - That changes things." They used me. Rode my back, used my body, my muzzle to pleasure theirs. They kicked me if I was slow to lick on them, they squeezed my nuts when I didn't hump right and twisted my dick to make sure I didn't cum until they were ready for me to. Then one by one they took turns stroking me, playing with my abused sex organs, vying to see who would get me to pop.. And when I did, they laughed and kicked me again. "You little bastard, Cumming all over my hand." They called me names and beat on me until I was a whimpering pile of fur. I was used to being abused, but this was a lot worse than even my Governess had worked me over. "Pissy little fox.." I had urinated on myself. The leader grabbed my head and squatted over my muzzle. "Well - since you Are a pissy little fox.. You need to be taught a lesson." She held my muzzle open, then grabbed my nose. "You can drink it or drown in it. I don't care either way pissy little little fox." She urinated in my mouth, clamping down on my nose.. I gagged, but I swallowed it. All of it. She wiped herself on my face and stood. A couple of others thought it would be fun to mark me as well.. They laughed as I lay there in the dust. "I guess you won't need These any more.." I heard her laugh, saw her foot come down, claws extended... There was a pain between my legs, then I retched. I didn't even feel the last kicks I got as they walked off.. I must have blacked out for a while, because when I could see again, I was alone. I didn't see anyone, but decided to drag myself away from there before they decided to return and finish the job.. The alley wasn't far from a jogging track so I half slid, half crawled to it and collapsed, ready to die. * * * * Chapter 6 - Found again I heard footfalls coming towards me. 'Didn't crawl far enough I guess.' Panting sounds that slowed as whoever saw me in the middle of the path. "Hey there, You are not supposed to be sleeping in the pathwa.. What the Hell?" I felt movement, being rolled over. Pain shot up my chest and I yelped. "By the.. Take it easy.." I remember pictures - a gray face near mine. Voices. Movement, accompanied by pain.. then more faces, more voices. "Damaged.. .. Scrotum will have to go. Multiple frac .. How the hell did he live .. Found him like.." Then the questions, the doctors trying to make me remember, Make me forget. When I finally got off the drugs a month had passed me by. A wolf sat beside me. "How do you feel?" I took his paw and placed it between my legs, rubbing my semi-erection against it. "You tell me." He laughed and squeezed me. He had been at my bedside many times, copping a feel every now and again. "They say you can go in another week if you keep healing like you are." A bleak look. "Anyplace to go?" Did I want to go back to my governess? Back to school and be beaten up again? I shook my head. The paw stroked me to full hardness. "If you want - You Could come and live with me.." I reached out and slid my paw into his shorts, squeezing His cock, which was bulging Very obviously. "I would like that.." He growl/whined in a happy sort of way and we fondled each other. The nurse took that moment to show up. "Visit's over. Time to give the patient a bath.." Oh Shi.. * * * * Chapter 7 - Wolf and Bear and Fox, Oh Yiff! Love was a hard thing for me to grasp. Sex I understood quite well, and the enjoyment of another male's body.. But This was Different. I healed. Got some fancy hardware attached between my legs so I would look 'Normal'. I had never known Normal either.. But Ronald and Elgin ( I have changed their names, as One is Dead, and I don't want the Wolf to be bothered by questions of my past ), took me in, fed me, kept me between them until I didn't shake every time I was touched. The bear popped my 'virginity', as I let him believe - I had been used when I was a cub for a piece of silver, by my Mistress because she hated me, so I was far from innocent. But he was So Big, and So long and Soooo... Gods, I get hard Just thinking about him! They kept telling me I was not a 'Fuck-toy', while I got them off every chance I had. Having balls of neoprene that were filled with 'semen' - a product made from the real thing.. Why can't I find jobs like that? - so Sex was Much longer than just an orgasm, and I Was a teen one could say, I could Really wriggle my ass. In their laps, in their faces, in their paws.. They were semi-retired, so anytime I wanted to get one - or Both - of them in bed, all I had to do was wriggle, wink and look over my shoulder. "Not now Afril.." Turned into a game of butt-grab... Until We got to kissing. Then They were Mine.. And I was Theirs. I washed, cleaned, dusted.. I had to learn to cook better but it was ok. Anything for my new Guardians. And poor Elgin.. Why he didn't die of a stroke, or a heart-attack I will never know. I would be on all fours, scrubbing the floor, sometime vigorously like I had been taught, and all of a sudden he would be on top of me, growling about how sexy I was and how much I turned him on.. Scrubbing the Floor? But he mounted me in the middle of the room and pounded that hot wolf-cock in and out of my ass until I was laying my head on that same floor and shoving back lustily.. Then Ronald would come in and see what was going on - to find us tied together, panting like a pair of steam engines.. He would shake his head, undo his pants and flip a coin to see if that monster would be shoved under his mate's tail or into my Muzzle. I think he fudged it a few times because I got to suck it a Lot more than he humped the wolf.. It was a thick, red long piece of bear meat that always tasted strong as he slid it between my lips, rubbing my head and telling me not to swallow so much.. I hadn't had a gag-reflex in years, but he was big enough to choke me just the same. And I always ended up with too much dick and too little air.. But I lusted after that male-meat - It was the first thing I felt when I woke up, either in my ass or in my paws. The bruin finally had to demand I stop sucking him off Every Morning, as it took him forever to get anything done.. Except blow his hot seed down my throat for an hour or more. Schoolwork was done at home, I got good grades even though punishment was not a switch but a stern look and no touching for a while. I found out later why - I had one of Those nights. I was back in the closet, but this time it was locked. And there was No sound.. Not even footfalls, despite my cries and pleadings. When I awoke, Both of them were holding me tightly.. I had told them of my life beforehand, but I don't know if I was believed or not. After that day, All the closets had the knobs and hardware taken off, leaving them to swing freely. I found out later that I don't just talk in my sleep, I pantomime.. I was in a corner, huddled up like a frightened cub, scratching on the wall. What I said while I was there I don't know - Some Real Good Doctors worked on me, so I don't remember some things but in a haze. * * * * Chapter 8 - Summer Jobs I graduated, and went to look for a Summer Job, Both for my self-esteem, and because They wanted to rest their nuts a while.. Of course I had to bend down and kiss the 'Hurts' - and we spent That day in bed as well. But whatever I looked at, I couldn't do... I wasn't strong, or big, or good with figures or drawing. I only had 1 strength - being able to seduce other males ( No that is Not a Trait All Foxes Share - Some are Straight *Grin* ) Sooo... I ended up as a towel-fur in a brothel. It was touted as a Bath- House and Sauna, "Where one could have one's trouble's Massaged away." I did learn a lot about working with my paws on other places than between a male's legs - I did a lot of That too mind, getting the same 10% 'Commission' as all the others. There I met a Bear I will call "Paws". He was Huge All Over! And it was a Workout every time he came.. I had to pound on his back to get the tension out, grind myself against his body so I could get leverage to knead his skin without just sliding away. I am sure he thought I was coming on to him more than once, but It was Just Plain Rough.. And always worth it. When I got done working out the tensions in his back, and legs, he would lay me on my belly and Really work the last hard muscle he had in my ass.. I had to stuff a towel in my muzzle to keep from screaming for him to pound me harder. He was the First male who bit into my neck like he meant it, balls mashes against my cheeks, a foot of bear dick all the way to the sheath, throbbing inside me, washing my guts down with hot spunk. Sometimes he would reach around and play with me, not saying a word until my anus started milking his erection.. He stayed on top until his dick went soft, then put a towel under my tail as he pulled out. "You were a fantastic as ever.. See you on a couple of weeks." When I could see again, I would put the towels in the hamper, wash myself and just soak.. Then I would go back out and give out towels, tongue or tail as the customer wanted. There wasn't a whole lot I needed, so the money went into a fund. * * * * Chapter 9 - College It was fall. I could have stayed on at the Bath-House, but a fine-honed sense of Police made me say no. I sure as hell didn't want to go back to the Orphanage! Not having much else to do, I went to the school center, and picked one that looked good. They even had a branch of Military Service that didn't care about gender, preference or species. So I took the tests, and paid the fees.. And I was accepted! Even got into the MTP, Corporal because of my scores. I said farewell to my loves, and we spent the night in bed, just holding each other.. If I had known then that It was the last time I would see the Bruin, I would have done more than just sucked him awake that day.. But I was in School! A crazy room-mate who talked me into doing a series of erotic poses on his mimi-gym equipment.. Something about a new style of advertising. We were both pretty well smashed and ended up in bed. We both enjoyed it, but he was Definitely Straight - With the occasional leaning when he had a few - So I pretty much stayed to books and military things. *Sigh* He was a cute as hell Chipmunk, into the Skateboard scene. I can't count the times I jerked off on the shower, thinking up ways to get him between the sheets.. Whatever Female got Him was a Lucky Lady! He was so damn good in bed - And I don't mean just sex.. 3 sheets in the wind he would caress me and kiss me and tell me all kinds of silly flowery thing, that Always made me Blush and Giggle and lose my heart all over again. Then the next morning he would Hug me, and I would have to fetch my heart off the floor and 'Just be Friends'.. Until the next time. I admit sometimes I was a mean little fox and goaded him. He had a foot-fetish, and I would wait until Saturday morning, then take a brush and brush his feet, then work a towel over them, licking each one.. By the time I got to the soles he would have agreed to like banging elephants, So I got to suck him every now and again.. But I only did it occasionally. After lying in bed for hours drooling over his pert ass, or biting my knuckles as he would roll over with a hard-on.. And call out the name of some Girl he was dating... *Grrrr* * * * * Chapter 10 - Life in the Fast Lane After College, I went straight into business. And learned that furs can be worse There then on the streets. I was put on a treadmill, and succeeded by showing a knack for finding information, and putting out - a good report. Oh I had my share of Lovers, All of whom left me after getting what they wanted. I even joined a religion of sorts.. They worshiped sex, on all it's myriad forms. I worked part-time in their libraries, again rising rapidly... Until I fell in love yet again. * Daphnie * She and her Brother came to a Temple one day, and we struck up a conversation.. Somehow I found myself in bed with her, Bound and determined to end my fear of females, once and for all. I damn near ended my life there instead. I forced her to push her sex against my muzzle, hoping against hope my love would overcome whatever fears held me back.. Instead I went into shock, retched all over her thighs and stopped breathing. It was some time before I was let out of the hospital, and back to work. Since I was now 'disabled', I worked for a while longer than went on vacation - To a wonderful place where one could be whatever one wanted to be. My first night I was 'picked-up' by 2 males and we made love - Well They made love to each other, I was just in between them. Then came lovers and friends galore. And heartaches... I fell in lust with a cheetah - I know I shouldn't have, but Gods! We met in a recreational place, and after talking a while He Forcefully had his way with me. Looking back maybe it was lust, but I damn sure felt it was love.. It was the most wonderful experience I have ever had... Being taken and held and we ended up in a heap. But he was in Administration, and after a while, even though he Did try, his duties pulled him away. I wish I could say I took it well. I felt hollow - I was not Sad, Angry, Hurt, Ashamed.. Those would come later. All I felt was my heart turning to ashes. It took a while, but I found someone else to Love - And destroy. It was Loneliness, Lust, Fear... Oh I could mouth the word, roll it around my tongue, And with it beguile many a poor fur into my life. I have never forgiven myself for certain things - A 4 day marriage to a sweet dog. An almost marriage that ripped me to my core and made me see what I was. Battling with myself over Lovers who I wanted, and sent away because I was no good for them. Including one who Never returned - I Still hold the black armband I wore at his wake. Having my soul ripped by a scream when I let lust come over me and I touched someone sexually. Feeling the icy heat of Rage as I shut the door on someone for a final time, embittered that she could love another but not me. A sweet rabbit who more than anything else I wanted a commitment from - And got words. It was at that moment, I decided life was not worth living any more. I could not be faithful, I could not Love, Or Stop loving all those who I held dear. No one wanted me enough to slap my muzzle and tell me I was being a stupid, childish fox. That all this would pass and Those who cared would still care. I was empty and dead inside as I made my way to the Mountains, thinking the World was better off without me. As I lay, dying by inches, I looked back on my life and felt more self-hatred than at any time before. How many things I had tossed away, How many wonderful Lovers and Friends I had. But it was far too late to kick my tail then. * * * * Chapter Last - The Village I was found by some Traders and dragged off to their village. They revived me and made me welcome.. What there was of me. Word passes fairly quickly and My own Village took me back in to heal. I sit, scribbling these last passages, and wiping tears from my eyes as I think of all the wonderful beings it was my privilege to have known, however briefly, and almost wish I had time to return.. Say I was sorry so many times. Have one last wild fling with that gorilla I wept with and fought with. Hold a few someone's close.. Yes - I Still love each and every one of them, even the ones who rejected me. Be better at being honest with my many Loves - But The sands have run through the glass and can not be returned. I have made my decisions, Done my time in Hell, and I really can't say if I am a better fox for it or not - Only that I would gladly do it again. Die again, Be raped and abused and loved again... Have my heart ripped out, anguish over choices that filled me with self-loathing and hatred, Loved so deeply that even Life was a pale candle next to it. I know I am supposed to say something profound - Sum up my wisdom and impart it to you, the reader. Hey - I am just a queer little fox, not a Great Scholar. But I will say - Do whatever it is you want to do Today. Say you are sorry, Hug someone, Love and be loved.. Yes it means Hurting and having to cope and doing things you really don't want to. But there will be a day when the sun rises, and You won't be there to see it. Afril Dedicated to All who have touched me - Even if you don't know it, You have.. And I love you.